Yes I can be extremely selfish and unlreliable at times.
I can be extremely rude and inconsiderate to other people.
I never experience many things because I don't try at all.
I think I may be afraid of many things that's why I'm stuck in this comfort zone.
Haven't dreamt BIG for a long time.
I'm such a noob...

Just one word.
Complacency.

Hmm somehow in the last few days or so I miss my gong gong a lot. Don't quite no why.

Last night I baked for the very first time in a long time.
Baked a butter orange cake for cell tonight hopefully it taste good.
Pretty much decided that I should bake more today to try out new recipes and stop idling and wasting time.

Anyways I've decided to change my layout because of everything that's been happening in the last few days. I've decided to get a fresh new start/out look on things that are to come and things that I will be facing. Camp was awesome I guess even though I didn't feel much of it but deep deep down inside I know something good was deposited. The theme song was Amazing Grace and yes now I know the lies and the deceit of the devil and now I have renewed strength and confidence to be who I am suppose to be. Yes I know my chains are gone and I've been set free and I have to continue to pursue and love him more and more each day and just draw close to him which I haven't in the past. Well the past is the past and now is now and I've decided to make that change for the better. I know now that I am victorious in Christ Jesus.

Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)"
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

"Hallelujah"

Well I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this :
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya
And she tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...

(Yeah but) Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor, (You know)
I used to live alone before I knew ya
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
and love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...

Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do ya
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Hallelujah...

[Instrumental]

Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelu...
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelu...
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Hallellllluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuujjjaahhhh...Hallelllluuuuuujjaaaaaaaaaahhhh

Arhhhhh why can't I freaking act my age for once and why can't my mom just live it be. Why can't I be who I want to be but why do I want to live in the shadows... Why can't I go back to how it was. 5 years has gone and pass what have I done really? Why can't I just...too much avoidance. Why can't I...There's so much freedom and there's so much more worth living for. I so need a happy pill.

Whatever You're Doing - Sanctus Real

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This *is* something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time *to* breathe in and let everything out

What's been up with my world for the last month?
Went back to Singapore for my Cousin's Wedding.
Missed my enrollments for Tafe so that means I have to find a job.
Spent time with my cousins from overseas who came down for the wedding.
Lots and lots of eating and also durians.
Went to Vietnam, saw some of the historic sights there like Cu Chi Tunnel, The Unification Palace.
Saw a Third World Country from a different perspective and Thank God that I am blessed.
Shopped at Ben Thann Markets, Saigon Square and some boutique's along Pasteur Road.
Spent some time with my cousin who I haven't seen in like whatt 8 years.
Went to some of the night spots in Vietnam like Sheraton Lounge, Lush and Sax in the Art, caught a few drinks and enjoyed the company between Sara, Joel and me.
Will post up the pics for another time.

Been in Singapore for a while already.
Attended my Cousin's Wedding which was spread out over 3 days.
Was good seeing relatives and cousins who came from The UK.
Caught up with them and enjoyed their company.
Been eating lots of local food and a lot of Durians.
Going to Vietnam early in the morning today!
Wooppiee can't wait.
Didn't enrol for this semester of school which means that when I get back to Perth I have to go find a job till the next semester.
Parent's friends brought us to the Singapore Flyer which was awesome because of the great view.
Ate at an International Buffet at the Swiss Hotel.
Have to go buy shoes which doesn't hurt my feet.
Definitely have to do more shopping which I didn't do much of.
Watched some of the opening of Beijing Olympics.
Watched some of the events of the Beijing Olympics.
Definitely HAVE TO MUST WATCH GYMNASTICS!!!
Pretty much sumed up what I've done so far.

About time to update what happened over the holidays.
Been living in my new place which is situated at Wellard.
Florence came over to help me unpack some of my things and she slept over as well.
Went shopping for my cousin's wedding which I will be attending this weekend.
Helped out in the Winter Olympics for children's church.
Had a babysitting job the other day without pay.
Danson and Florence stayed over as well and played Guitar Heroes.
Attended my niece's 1 year old birthday party.
Anyways spent most of the time at home unpacking.

WHAT IF...
what if I myself am preventing myself to being who I'm suppose to be?
what if I myself know what I'm doing wrong and don't make any changes to it?
what if I myself don't know how to just be myself?
what if I myself am afraid of standing up for myself and being who I'm suppose to be?
what if I myself am already not obeying the law?
what if I myself am wasting to much money and time on education and not doing well?
what if I myself am unsure what study path I'm suppose to follow?
what if I myself have regretted not completed my high school?
what if I myself have offended countless people without realizing until now?
what if I myself have unconsciously lie and lied to people who really care about me?
what if I myself have not put in any effort into my studies?
what if I myself have done something that I should never ever do?

Arhh I can't stand it!
There's so many what if.
What am I suppose to do?

Cried for a bit last night.
Frustrated about my situation.
Not knowing of what to do next is a scary thing.
Been running on empty.
Wasted so much precious time.
Countless times made my mom angry at me.
I don't even know what is real anymore.
Need to be refresh on the inside and outside.
Bahh my eyes are hurting already to much depressing talk.
On a lighter note, tafe is almost over for the semester.
Looking forward to the 2 weeks break.
By then would probably be moved to the new house.
Anyways it's late now gonna sleep.

Rescue - Seabird

I'm pushing up daisies, I wish they were roses
I feel like I'm drowning but nobody knows it
I'm pushing up daisies, I wish they were roses
I feel like I'm dying, just want you to notice

somehow the grave has captured me
show me the man I used to be
just when I feel my breath is running out

the earth moves and you find me, alive but unworthy
broken and empty, but you don't care
cuz you are my rapture, you are my savior
when all my hope is gone, I reach for you
you are my rescue
you are my rescue

I'm swimming to safety, but even with my best
if I don't see that rope soon, this might be my last breath

somehow the grave has captured me
show me the man I used to be
just when I feel my breath is running out

the earth moves and you find me, alive but unworthy
broken and empty, but you don't care
because you are my rapture, you are my savior
when all my hope is gone, I reach for you
you are my rescue

don't let me drown
can you hear me
cuz I am
Calling out
I'm underground
won't you pull me out

the earth moves and you find me, alive but unworthy
broken and empty, but you don't care
because you are my rapture, you are my savior
when all my hope is gone, I reach for you
you are my rescue
you are my rescue
yeah, you are my REScue
yeah! you are MY resCUE

I'm pushing up daisies, I wish they were roses
I feel like I'm dying, just want you to notice...

Who Am I - Casting Crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

Prodigal - Casting Crown

Living on my own, thinking for myself
Castles in the sand, temporary wealth
Walls are falling down, storms are closing in
Tears have filled my eyes, here I am again

And I've held out as long as I can
Now I'm letting go and holding out my hand

Daddy, here I am again
Will You take me back tonight
I went and made the world my friend
And it left me high and dry
I drag Your name back through the mud
That You first found me in
Not worthy to be called Your son
Is this to be my end
Daddy, here I am
Here I am again

Curse this morning sun
Drags me in to one more day
Of reaping what I've sown
Of living with my shame
Welcome to my world
And the life that I have made
Where one day you're a prince
The next day you're a slave

Tis been a long journey been picking up bits and pieces together which I've left out for a long time.
I am used to the same old routine but in the matter of fact it's pointless and useless and doesn't really benefit that much.
Why can't I just leave it all behind me.
Be the one I'm suppose to be.
I can't go back in time to change my past mistakes.
Been living in the shadow of my mistakes.
Who am I?
Who do I want to be?
Where do I see myself in the next half of the year?

I don't have a bed to sleep in because my dad moved it to the new place.
So currently I'm sleeping on the couch!
Pretty much been busy with assignments that are due this week and tests that are this week as well.
Housekeeping work placement will start next week for 2 weeks on a Tuesday.
I'm not quite enjoying my course.
Countless times I just want to give up on it but I have to finish it even though it makes no sense to me.
Too much thoughts of If Only, Me, Regrets, The Only One, Stupid, HS Dropout... This List Goes On and On...


Stellar Kart - Me And Jesus lyrics

When there's nowhere else to turn
All your bridges have been burned
Feels like you've hit rock bottom
Don't give up it's not the end
Open up your heart again
When you feel like no one
Understands where you are

[chorus]
Someone loves you even when you don't think so don't you know you got
Me and Jesus by your side through the fight you will never be alone on your own you got me and jesus

After all that we've been through
Be now you know i've doubted too
But everytime my head was in my
Hands you siad to me
Hold on to what we got
This is worth any cost so
Make the most of life
That's borrowed
Love like there's no tomorrow

It's 1:05am and it is raining now and I am making a post.
On Friday was ONE which is a combine gathering between Fyre and Agape.
I volunteered to help Adrian with cooking French Onion soup.
The worship was awesome, I haven't felt like that in ages.
The message got me thinking about somethings anyways the food was so delicious.
French Onion soup with toasted cheesy bread on a cold night that sure warmed me up.
I didn't go church on Sunday because I had to do assignments.
Missed out on the skit for Mother's Day.
Had dinner at South Ocean with the usual people like Uncle Edmund's family and Uncle Sam's family.
Watched soccer at Hannah's place on Sunday night, the match was Manchester United vs Wigan and Manchester United won.
Today I handed in my Budgets assignment which I was working on it since about 12:30am till about 5:00am.
Pretty much have lots and lots of assignments to do and I don't quite know how to do them.
Anyways it's so late now so I'm off for now!
Toodle, till next time. Adious! Ciao!