Who Am I - Casting Crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

Prodigal - Casting Crown

Living on my own, thinking for myself
Castles in the sand, temporary wealth
Walls are falling down, storms are closing in
Tears have filled my eyes, here I am again

And I've held out as long as I can
Now I'm letting go and holding out my hand

Daddy, here I am again
Will You take me back tonight
I went and made the world my friend
And it left me high and dry
I drag Your name back through the mud
That You first found me in
Not worthy to be called Your son
Is this to be my end
Daddy, here I am
Here I am again

Curse this morning sun
Drags me in to one more day
Of reaping what I've sown
Of living with my shame
Welcome to my world
And the life that I have made
Where one day you're a prince
The next day you're a slave

Tis been a long journey been picking up bits and pieces together which I've left out for a long time.
I am used to the same old routine but in the matter of fact it's pointless and useless and doesn't really benefit that much.
Why can't I just leave it all behind me.
Be the one I'm suppose to be.
I can't go back in time to change my past mistakes.
Been living in the shadow of my mistakes.
Who am I?
Who do I want to be?
Where do I see myself in the next half of the year?

I don't have a bed to sleep in because my dad moved it to the new place.
So currently I'm sleeping on the couch!
Pretty much been busy with assignments that are due this week and tests that are this week as well.
Housekeeping work placement will start next week for 2 weeks on a Tuesday.
I'm not quite enjoying my course.
Countless times I just want to give up on it but I have to finish it even though it makes no sense to me.
Too much thoughts of If Only, Me, Regrets, The Only One, Stupid, HS Dropout... This List Goes On and On...


Stellar Kart - Me And Jesus lyrics

When there's nowhere else to turn
All your bridges have been burned
Feels like you've hit rock bottom
Don't give up it's not the end
Open up your heart again
When you feel like no one
Understands where you are

[chorus]
Someone loves you even when you don't think so don't you know you got
Me and Jesus by your side through the fight you will never be alone on your own you got me and jesus

After all that we've been through
Be now you know i've doubted too
But everytime my head was in my
Hands you siad to me
Hold on to what we got
This is worth any cost so
Make the most of life
That's borrowed
Love like there's no tomorrow

It's 1:05am and it is raining now and I am making a post.
On Friday was ONE which is a combine gathering between Fyre and Agape.
I volunteered to help Adrian with cooking French Onion soup.
The worship was awesome, I haven't felt like that in ages.
The message got me thinking about somethings anyways the food was so delicious.
French Onion soup with toasted cheesy bread on a cold night that sure warmed me up.
I didn't go church on Sunday because I had to do assignments.
Missed out on the skit for Mother's Day.
Had dinner at South Ocean with the usual people like Uncle Edmund's family and Uncle Sam's family.
Watched soccer at Hannah's place on Sunday night, the match was Manchester United vs Wigan and Manchester United won.
Today I handed in my Budgets assignment which I was working on it since about 12:30am till about 5:00am.
Pretty much have lots and lots of assignments to do and I don't quite know how to do them.
Anyways it's so late now so I'm off for now!
Toodle, till next time. Adious! Ciao!

I got to get back to the basics.
I got to get back to the foundation.
I got to get my priorities right.
So many got to's and no action.
I've lost sight of my vision somewhere along the line.
I've been circling and circling around the same type of problems and infact it's making me tired.
I want to give up but I can't!
I have to give it all to the one who loves me the most but I do find that difficult.
It's like I'm running away but I'm not backing down.
Something in me does not want to give up.

Was just thinking of something then this song popped into my head.


Forgetting what lies behind
Setting our hearts on the prize
Always keeping our eyes on our Lord Jesus
We’re running the race to win
All the way to the end
Laying down every sin
That would seek to hinder us
Chorus
And we’ll be faithful to our calling
For You are able to keep us from falling
And in Your promise, we will trust
You’ll be faithful to finish the works
You’ve began on us

My heart hurts.
Both emotionally, physically and maybe even spiritually.
Maybe I should start eating healthy and keep fit by exercising.
Maybe that's why I get headaches often and feel out of breath lately and also can't concentrate properly.
Plenty of times I put on a don't care attitude and act all blur but in fact I'm lost in thoughts somewhere and just need to talk it all out.
I'm still undecided about a lot of things, I want to experience things and life and have good friendship with other people.

Stop and stare I think I'm moving but I go nowhere.
That's how I feel sometimes.
It comes to the point of my life that what I do now doesn't make much sense.
I want to go back but I can't so just have to move forward.
I know I am accepted and loved by people who care for me and Jesus but somehow it doesn't click.
There's so much more to life.
The joy of the lord is my strength.

What I feel sometimes!


I can honestly say that I'm not a true friend!
I left my high school friends without saying anything or sharing anything about myself or problems face through the past x amount of years. So sorry!
I've been living in the days of the past while I should be enjoying life in the now.

Anyways today was an ok day.
In tafe passed my monitor work operations test which in fact I did study.
Had budgets class which was alright didn't do much but some workings which now I understand.
Had to stay behind to do some Fidelio work which I'm behind but I've already catched up in it.
Anyways took care of my nephew today for awhile because Sean had his graduation to attend.

Frustrated at my ownself.
Lost in my own way.
Looking for ways out but there's perseverance in there somewhere.
Only know how to disappoint my family and make them angry.
Pretty much keep everything in and not share with anyone.
Been doing that for the past x amount of years.
Don't even know what my future will hold for me.
Old habits die hard.
I underestimate myself!
ARHHH!!!

What a glorious day yesterday. I attended Joslyn and Joseph's Wedding!
Congratulation to both of you may this journey bring you closer to God.
After the wedding we went to Heathcote to take pictures and then we played cricket.
I think I got sun burnt a bit so can't be bothered writing.

Just finishing the fourth week of Tafe. Lots of assignments and a lot of the work is getting harder. Missed out on movie night on Tuesday because of the morning's events. No more hopping and aimless wandering around. I want to change for the better. Life is not about worrying I should live life with joy and spent quality time with friends that I care about. It's been far too long that I've kept things in and running away from them. I want to shout out loud that I am loved by the almighty Jesus! Getting on with it I've been busy packing...NOT REALLY felt really lazy and not motivated to do anything. Just been sticking onto the laptop and just surfing the net and reading manga when I know I'm supposed to help out in the house.

Year 2008, a new year, new beginnings, new hope, new friends! It's now already the 2nd last week of February. Time has gone by so fast. Currently into the 3rd week of Tafe and so far things are coming out smoothly. This semester units are somewhat difficult for me and also there is a lot of group work and assessment. Somehow starting from somewhere I need to communicate and relate to my friends and not be shy and just be open and not keep things in too much. I don't want to be the same person I was before! I want to look forward and try not to look behind at the past. What's past is past now is the present. Trying not to hold back! Don't want to be lazy. Even though some units I am doing again, even though some people might think I'm stupid and laugh at me I want to not feel bothered about what their thoughts are. I just want to be the real me, the one who can find happiness, the one who has hope, faith, strength to believe that all things are possible in Christ Jesus and to realize that I am not alone!

Holidays are about to end! Been in Singapore shopping away, eating lots of food, catching up with friends and relatives. Gosh I've put on a lot of weight yet again.

I've decided to start a new blog because it's been a while and I wanted something new to write on and also maybe it's time to look up and not pity myself to much.

It's holiday time and I am back in Singapore.
Time to enjoy and time to suffer. You know why suffer because when I come back my eye gets really irritated and itchy and it gets really red.
The good thing is that I get to go out with relatives and eat and also do lots of shopping!!!

Anyways friday was family cell bbq.

Week 16 Tafe is gone. Only have 3 weeks left of Tafe. It's been really stressful with assignments and group work. I can't wait for the holidays! Yeah anyways this past week has been really hot. Over 30+ degrees, so hot until cannot stand! AHHHH I don't like it! Besides Tafe not much has been happening.

Okayy haven't been updating for a long time now.
I'm just going to post about my brother's 21st birthday.
On sunday the 4th of november my brother celebrated his birthday at Hana BBQ with church friends, high school friends and family.
I'll post the photos up another time because somehow the server seems busy and I can't upload any pics.
Once again,HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY YU MIN ONG MY BROTHER!!!

It's all head knowledge that I know that I'm loved just the way I am.
But at times I just don't see it.
3 years has passed.
I've made promises and broken them.
I've regretted so many things not being done.
I don't even know who I am anymore.
I'm losing interest in my studies it's not the same.
Somehow I'm living a double life.
I may be laughing and all smiles on the outside but on the inside I'm crying and in pain.
I'm not as innocent as you think I am.
I've done something over and over again that I should never do and yet still.
I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH!!!

Haven't been blogging in such a long long time.
Anyways here's some pictures from Florence's Birthday BBQ at Kings Park which took place a few Sundays ago.

You Are An ESFP

The Performer You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others. A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic. You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally. You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic. In love, you are a smooth talker and incorrigible flirt. While you get into relationships easily, you don't tend to stick around when times get tough. At work, you do well in groups. You keep everyone laughing through difficult tasks. You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor. How you see yourself: Capable, fair, and efficient When other people don't get you, they see you as: Incompetent, stubborn, and silly

What's Your Personality Type?

Midnight Hour - Running Away
Don't lie and say that it's OK.
It's alright if, there's nothing more to say.
So I'm running away.
I'm leaving this place.
Yeah, I'm running away.
I'm running away.

Don't tell me, I'm the one to blame.
It's too late for you to make me stay.
No, I won't stay.
So I'm running away.
I'm leaving this place.
Yeah, I'm running away.
I'm running away.

And faster than you can follow me from this lonely place.
And farther than you can find me, I'm leaving
Yeah I'm leaving today.
And I, I'll never let you find me.
I'm leaving you behind with the past
No, I won't look back.
And I don't want to hear your reasons.
Don't want to hear you tell me why I should stay.

And try, and try to understand me
And try to understand what I say when I say I can't stay
I, I'm moving on from this place
I'm leaving and I won't quit running away.

I'm running away.
I'm leaving this place.
Yeah, I'm running away.
I'm running away.

Currently loving these songs at the moment.
The Pretenders - I'll Stand By You
Delta Goodrem - In This Life
Elisa - Dancing

Anyways I got to get back to studying which I have been procrastinating. Assignment which I have no clue on what to do. Test result on Friday I think I did not to good in it.

On a lighter note I'm going to post up a few pictures.
Adrian Cooking
Amy, Jen, Danson, Seiji
Me & Pearl
Emerald & Me

Another day goes by and still same old same old.
Nothing new been happening.
Wishing for something but have to work hard for it.
Shouldn't be striving anymore.
Not on my own strength but his strength.
Not another day goes by with me having so many regrets.
I've given up to easily and so many times.
Just a little thought...Don't Give up!

Hmmmhh I've just been thinking.
This past few days I've been sleeping.
I've pretty much not done any work.
Been slacking heaps.
Probably in a day sleep about 8 hours or less and also been on the net for way way too long.
Hmmm yeah I should start studying.
It just doesn't feel the same.

Less then half way more to go.
Only 3 months left and I'm still slacking.
More than 8 weeks have past for Diploma but it all still seems blur for me.
I have to catch up on my assignments that are due soon I think.
Hmmmm I so not loving it!

I'm feeling so much better now.
I'm recovering but it still hurts.
The last few days I've been keeping myself in my room.
Practically reading manga online.
I should be studying but don't feel like it.

Changed of layout. Feeling a little different.
Hoping to starting a new within.
Trying so hard not to focus on the negative.
Look up to a BIG GOD!
Trying to remember that I'm His PRINCESS and nobody can take that away from me.
I'm currently sick at the moment and feeling pretty terrible.
I'm not going to back down!

Time and again you reached out to me.
Looking past my faults you see my destiny.
Your hand of love reached out to me and set me free.
I will praise you Jesus all my days Sing of all your great deeds and your ways.
I will love you now and ever more love so amazing I adore!
<>

Do I really mean what I say. Opportunities after opportunities given to me but yet I throw them all away. I don't know myself anymore I don't like who I've become. I've become lazy, disobedient, rebellious and lie. You've thought me everything but I still am weak so very weak. I rely to much on myself.

I'm so unhappy.

Here are some more pictures...

The Simpsons set with Jon,Fabian, Florence, Amy & Me

okok here are the pics from the girls slunber party at Amy Lee's place...

Group shot
Funny faces everyone
Flo plucking my eyebrows
Breakfast made by Drew

So bored now so I just decided to post up a few pictures up to entertain you all...
one big happy cell



Anyways tafe started this week.
So far all the classes are going good.
First week already and I have like assignments and they are like all due in on week 3.
Ahhhhh not fair!!!

Pictures promised from the previous post...
Strawberry Daquiri
Original Ice with PassionFruit Sauce
Damnn Delicious...

Update Update Update...Will put up the pictures another day when I load it into the computer!!!
Wednesday the 18th July
Wonderful time spent with my cousin and my aunt and uncle and my kong kong.
At 6.20pm my brother and me left the house to go to their place.
I absolutely love their new place at South Perth.
The rooms are really big and spacious.
Ate a banana at their house while waiting for che che Jac and kong kong.
About 7+pm we left the house.
My uncle drove all the way to Inglewood where the Itallian cafe that we were going for dinner.
For drink I ordered a Strawberry Daquiri and took a picture of it.
It was really sour and not enjoyable and pricey as well I bet I can make a better Daquiri that I learnt from Tafe.
I ordered Black & White Lingunie.
In it was prawns, capsicum, roasted pumpkin,crutons and semi-dried tomatoes.
It was so delicious, one of the nicest pastas that I've ever tasted.
Too bad I forgot to take a picture of it.
After dinner we decided to have dessert at Icey Ice.
I chose a Original Ice Regular with Passionfruit Sauce.
I took a picture of it.
It so delicious, one of the best ice-creams ever!!!
Then my uncle drove back home.
Played Wii with my cousin che che Jac and my brother.
Created a Wii character for me.
I played with che che Jac tennis and baseball.
I so sux at tennis.
Then after that played boxing with my brother.
I won 1 round and he won 2 riunds.
My arm was really sore after that.
We then borrowed Follow The Law a Singapore movie acted by Gurmit Singh and Fan Wong and also we finally got Ugly Betty.
Yeahh then we went home.
SUPER HAPPY AND SUPER FULL!!!
I LOVE THIS DAY FOREVER.
<3

Blimey blow me away...It's been a gazillion years since I blogged.
Holidays are here!
1 more week left till the start of school.
It's gone by so fast.
I've done absolutely nothing this time.
Was suppose to find a job but I can't be bothered.
Just a little update had a slumber party with some of the girls from church.
Did make up and stuff and Flo shaped my eyebrows for me.
They look alright I guess.
Yup also had dinner with Aunty Ruby and family.
Sleptover at their house as well.
Watched Harry Potter with Emerald, Pearl, Vinn, Terrence, Dylan and Daryl.
The company was really funny.
That's pretty much about it I guess.

Holidays so far have been good.
Watched Transformers on Tuesday with the gang.(Sam, Flo, Amy, Drew, Aaron, Jon, Fabian and my brother.)
Such a good movie I can't believe looking back I sort of grew up watching Transformer cartoon with my brother. (=
Yup after the movie we all went to Fast Eddies to eat!
Shared a Banana Split with my brother and sam.
Then Joni and Allan and Adrian joined us.
Was so hilarious.
Awesome time spent and hopefully get to know you guys better!

Yeahhh I'm currently on my mid term break at the moment.
I have to find a job soon.

Yeahhh anyways Friday was really a good day.
Had powerhouse at the light house and then after that went to Concass with Daniel, Florence, Aarron, Eddie, Chris, Joni, my brother and me.
I drank a chocolate milkshake and it tasted too bland.
Then we all disscussed about our experience in camp and how God touched as.
It was really awesome to hear other people's experience and also got encouragement from them as well.

Saturday was also another awesome day.
Firstly went with mom to Myers at Garden City.
I didn't get to buy anything but she bought my brother Jacket.
Then after that she brought me to Subiaco to eat the famous Creepes.
It was so delicious!
Saw aunty Sophia there and she was surprise to see us coming all the way from the south just to eat the creepes.
Then in the evening I went to help out at Brownlie Towers Karaoke night.
It was heaps good and funy...Fabian and Tian sing! Haha!
After that went to have supper with Alvin, Hui Fu, Jeremy, my brother at me at NorthBridge Billy Lee.
The food was so good and we ate like heaps!!!
Then after that we went back home to give mom her porridge.
Then me and my brother went to Drew's house for games!
It was so funny!
<3 <3 <3

HOLLA EVERYBODY... LONG TIME NO SEE!!!
Finally Tafe's over and I'm currently having my mid term break.
School will start again on the 24th of July.
Yeahh anyways was not to happy with myself.
Had to re-enroll in 2 subjects so that means my diploma I will only be doing some of the units and have to complete the other units like another time.
Hmmm anyways moving on.
Yeahh I came back from Agape camp on tuesday.
Camp was awesome, it's so different from previous camps.
Yeah the people in my dorm were Jess Tran, Flo, Flick, Monique, Amy Loh and Janice.
Anyways my game group was called Sappers. Cool heh I think it means demolition engineers eg those people blowing up buildings.
Mmmh we were learning about from the book of Nehemiah.
About how Nehemiah rebuild the walls and how there were opposition against him but how God stood by him. It also talked about how to restore our broken walls and also how to rest in God.
In camp I spent the most time with So-En and also made new friends like Jacquline, Samantha.
The food at camp was really good and we ate lots and lots like maybe 6 meals a day.
The worship was really awesome, something different, something new.
Yeah also had some encouragement/word from God from people telling me that I'm Special in his eyes. That I'm his precious daughter. That he has a plan and future for me and that I don't have to worry and also don't have to compare myself with anyone else. Even all these things said it did made me feel a little better. I know all these and everything I've done and learnt it's a process between me and Him. I know my ways are wrong and I know I want to change. It will take time and I am willing!

1 More week and a bit to go before the School Holidays are here!
I so can't wait for it.
Agape Camp is this coming Saturday...WOOOT WOOOT!!!
Hmmm yeahhh so I still haven't done my powerpoint yet I going to do it as soon as I figure out what to put in it. Hmmm yeah I have 2 freaking resits to do tomorrow. Stuff it I bet I'm on re-enroll again.
I HATE IT A LOT. DON'T KNOW WHY I DON'T LIKE WHAT I'M DOING ANYMORE.

Hmmm booo yeahhh and hooo rayyy!!!
This week at Tafe is pretty hectic.
Have so many tests and group assessments.
First off Kylie's accounting tests I failed it!
It's so annoying and I hate it!
Hmm Norma's class is ok! I thought she was going to be hard on me because I haven't completed the assessment yet.
Suvitri's class I only pass o1 subject. I'm so stupid if I had handed in the interview a few weeks ago I could have pass. Just because I didn't hand in I passed the other bits of that subject just because of the interview thing I have to re-enroll again. IT'S SO UNFAIR. ): The group presentation was great!
Tuesday still got to do resits. It's so annoying!
I HATE IT!!! I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE SCHOOL HOLIDAYS TO COME!!!
******************

Goshhh it's been a long time since I realy actually studied. I think it was like 2 months ago maybe? Shocking eh! I should start somewhere. I got tests the whole of this week and group assessments. Someone please help me I don't know what to do and I seriously should stop stressing and worrying about it. I do tend to worry on the slightest of things and then the whole day in class is like stress. Mmmh anyways I don't know what to do. I was suppose to be studying but then I got distracted yet again. Anyways enough of my sob/sad story.

Far Out...So many tests to study and so many assignments to do.
My group is so unorganise. I hate it!
I don't even know what I'm really doing and it's annoying me.
Enough of my complains so here goes holidays are coming up soon.
I think like another 3-4 weeks.
Also Agape Camp is coming up!
Hehe so excited.
Last night cell was really good, it wasn't normal cell.
It was just worship and prayer and fellowship after.
It just lifted me up and I soaked in the presence.
Didn't feel tired I felt stronger and I know I can face whatever comes my way God's help.

I'm so behind in my work. I need to finish Norma's Database and do research on my power point presentation which I have no clue on what to do or how to start or how to put the information down. That sux I hate it a lot and it's also suppose to be a group work. Geez can't the group members at least tell me what to do? Or what kind of information to be put down? Hellloo can't you see that I'm stuck!!! For Kylie's class I will be having a freaking accounting test on Tuesday. I still don't get it! I understand the formulaes and stuff but it doesn't stick in my head and I have a tough time figuring out. Hopefully I will be able to pass and also I still have to do another resit test for Kylie. Goshhh it's so hard. Anyways Restaurant class I got a test as well which is on Wednesday. So many things to remember and study. For Bar class I also have a test! Geezz why do they freaking put so many tests on the same week. It's hard enough for me to study and concentrate on one but how many tests do I have? At least 4 tests. It sux real bad but anyways that's part of life. Have to learn how to deal with it. Also I still haven't done my interview yet for Suvitri's class and it's way way way overdue. Dammit! I can't. It's soo annoying!!!

What a great weekend I had.
Frstly on Saturday I went to a friend's birthday party.
Met her friends and also got to know some of my classmates better.
The food was really good. We ate sushi which my japanese friends made, homemade pizza, chicken, spring rolls, curry puff and apple pie with custard. We also played some party games like Twister, Musical Chairs and Paper Dance.
It then it was finally getting late we all then took group pictures.
My brother picked me up. Anyways my parents will back at midnight with Krispy Kreme Doughnuts...
I didn't pick them up because my brother went to Amy/Allan's house to play Wii and Sing Star at like 7+ and then after his picking them up from the airport and also I was tired out from the days event.
As soon as my parents stepped into the house I headed for the doughnuts.
Krispy Kreme and Dreamy Doughnuts are thee best!!!
And then helped mom to unpack her luggage and hahaha I got new clothes!!!
2 dresses and 2 tops...Yeahh I wanted new clothes!!!

Secondly on Sunday we were a little bit late for church.
The service was really good and we had a guest speaker.
We didn't finish until like 4 something 5.
After that I went to soccer with my brother.
It was freezing and I didn't play soccer was talking to Pearl the whole time.
After that it was getting dark so we all went home!
Then once I reached home I started seeing the korean drama that Emerald and Pearl lend me.
Omgg the korean drama is so good it's called Sweet Spy.
The actor is soo handsome and dreamy. Ahhh my <3
Dennis Oh my<3

Thinking about it I don't know what my future would be like.
I've been putting things off for a long time.
I haven't been doing anything.
I haven't been doing my assignments.
I haven't been studying.
I haven't been keeping fit.
I haven't been reading the Bible or spending time with God.
All I know is that I have been really lazy.
And I realised that I don't like it.
I want to change but do I really want to change.
Anyways I'm having a headache now so this post is crap!